One thing I've realized over the past 40 years is that God is good regardless of whether I find myself on a hill experiencing His favor, promotion, prosperity or whether I find myself in the midst of a valley, where it's so easy to feel alone and scared, when things are happening that I would opt out of if I could.
He is good. Always. Unlike earthly fathers who, though they likely try very hard, His decisions are not impulsive; His frustration with us and our rebellion doesn't effect His desire to be as close to us as we will allow. Isn't that amazing? Awe inspiring? I think so.
When I learned this morning that my CT scan simply reflected a lovely little hernia, to say I was relieved is an understatement.
I know He would've seen me through it. I have no doubt. But in my flesh I was really struggling with how I would manage another extension of this disease. The idea of more chemo, more surgeries than I already have on the schedule, the additional strain on my boys who are still grappling with the fear and worry that Cancer can bring. I just didn't know how I was going to do it.
In my situation, it may never be over. I have been blessed to know women now that fight to stay alive for years based on what Cancer and related treatments can do to your body. But they know their enemy and most are fighting one at a time. Armies are weakened when divided to defend multiple attacks from all sides. To have thrown another enemy into the mix at this point, if I'm being brutally honest, would have been devastating. And even as I write this I am smiling at the fact that My Father knows me, inside and out, down to knowing the number of hairs on my head! (Which is a much bigger number these days than in recent months) Yes. He could've allowed the results to be different. But He didn't and I am so very grateful... for this hilltop moment; for His favor; for His love and grace; for His perfect knowledge, timing and perspective.
How could I keep from celebrating Him??
I dunno.
I don't wanna know.
He's just awesome.
Monday, July 17, 2017
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Something else.
Battling the Bulge.
Funny title but rooted in the... unfunny.
Since my initial reconstruction (January of this year) surgery I've had a little "bulge" in my belly on my lower right side.
At first, Dr. Holding thought it was something she needed to fix cosmetically. But then, after my second surgery, the bulge is only more defined, and growing.
At my last follow up appointment, Holding ordered a CT scan. Differential diagnosis: hernia, seroma (swelling and infection occurring post surgery) which could make sense but these days are usually very avoidable with the use of antibiotics and post surgery care. Other options include intestinal obstruction...... and lymphoma or other forms of cancer some of which can be "common" in those who've endured powerful chemotherapy.
CT took place this past Saturday. 2 gallons of contrast (slight exaggeration) to drink before hand. Iodine contrast through my port during the procedure. If you've never had a CT with contrast, when they start the contrast into the IV, you feel like your body is super warm, and as it works it's way through your body, you would bet your life that you are peeing all over yourself and the table.
If you're post menopausal and hot flashes come and go as they please, should one occur as the iodine is pushed... you will feel like you're being burned alive. Just a heads up. Unpleasant. But thankfully short lived experience. Thank you Jesus for seeing me through it and so much more in the past 2 years.
If you know me at all... if I can see the pictures they take... I WANT TO!
I've learned that I need only request a copy and they provide it right then. So I left KU with a DVD of my images.
Now I was pre-Med in college (for about 6 months)... but I am not equipped to read and interpret a CT. But much of my alone time yesterday was spent comparing my pictures to images of normal CT scans I found online.
What I can see... is a big solid something that is not supposed to be there. Based on its location, it could be a super inflammed, really out of whack ascending colon (the first part of your large intestine that makes the initial connection to the small intestine) which can occur post surgery or post chemo as both do a number on your body or a mass...maybe an extension of another organ that's wonky and big enough lately to be pushing other structures out of the way, or something else... undefined.
If you're a person of prayer, please join me in petitioning Heaven for this to be something simple or nothing at all. I know Jesus can say the word and this thing could simply disappear (feel free to pray that direction as well!), but at minimum, I would love for the remedy to be non-surgical and/or for it to NOT involve additional chemo therapy.
I'm praying to have answers to my questions tomorrow once the radiology department has read the images and sends the report to Kahn and Holding. I will update you with another post (and hopefully great news) as soon as I know more.
Word of the day: HOPE.
Current theme song you ask?
Stand by Rascal Flatts
Until next time.....
Funny title but rooted in the... unfunny.
Since my initial reconstruction (January of this year) surgery I've had a little "bulge" in my belly on my lower right side.
At first, Dr. Holding thought it was something she needed to fix cosmetically. But then, after my second surgery, the bulge is only more defined, and growing.
At my last follow up appointment, Holding ordered a CT scan. Differential diagnosis: hernia, seroma (swelling and infection occurring post surgery) which could make sense but these days are usually very avoidable with the use of antibiotics and post surgery care. Other options include intestinal obstruction...... and lymphoma or other forms of cancer some of which can be "common" in those who've endured powerful chemotherapy.
CT took place this past Saturday. 2 gallons of contrast (slight exaggeration) to drink before hand. Iodine contrast through my port during the procedure. If you've never had a CT with contrast, when they start the contrast into the IV, you feel like your body is super warm, and as it works it's way through your body, you would bet your life that you are peeing all over yourself and the table.
If you're post menopausal and hot flashes come and go as they please, should one occur as the iodine is pushed... you will feel like you're being burned alive. Just a heads up. Unpleasant. But thankfully short lived experience. Thank you Jesus for seeing me through it and so much more in the past 2 years.
If you know me at all... if I can see the pictures they take... I WANT TO!
I've learned that I need only request a copy and they provide it right then. So I left KU with a DVD of my images.
Now I was pre-Med in college (for about 6 months)... but I am not equipped to read and interpret a CT. But much of my alone time yesterday was spent comparing my pictures to images of normal CT scans I found online.
What I can see... is a big solid something that is not supposed to be there. Based on its location, it could be a super inflammed, really out of whack ascending colon (the first part of your large intestine that makes the initial connection to the small intestine) which can occur post surgery or post chemo as both do a number on your body or a mass...maybe an extension of another organ that's wonky and big enough lately to be pushing other structures out of the way, or something else... undefined.
If you're a person of prayer, please join me in petitioning Heaven for this to be something simple or nothing at all. I know Jesus can say the word and this thing could simply disappear (feel free to pray that direction as well!), but at minimum, I would love for the remedy to be non-surgical and/or for it to NOT involve additional chemo therapy.
I'm praying to have answers to my questions tomorrow once the radiology department has read the images and sends the report to Kahn and Holding. I will update you with another post (and hopefully great news) as soon as I know more.
Word of the day: HOPE.
Current theme song you ask?
Stand by Rascal Flatts
Until next time.....
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