Hills and Valleys

One thing I've realized over the past 40 years is that God is good regardless of whether I find myself on a hill experiencing His favor, promotion, prosperity or whether I find myself in the midst of a valley, where it's so easy to feel alone and scared, when things are happening that I would opt out of if I could.

He is good. Always. Unlike earthly fathers who, though  they likely try very hard, His decisions are not impulsive; His frustration with us and our rebellion doesn't effect His desire to be as close to us as we will allow. Isn't that amazing? Awe inspiring? I think so.

When I learned this morning that my CT scan simply reflected a lovely little hernia, to say I was relieved is an understatement.

I know He would've seen me through it. I have no doubt. But in my flesh I was really struggling with how I would manage another extension of this disease. The idea of more chemo, more surgeries than I already have on the schedule, the additional strain on my boys who are still grappling with the fear and worry that Cancer can bring. I just didn't know how I was going to do it.

In my situation, it may never be over. I have been blessed to know women now that fight to stay alive for years based on what Cancer and related treatments can do to your body. But they know their enemy and most are fighting one at a time. Armies are weakened when divided to defend multiple attacks from all sides. To have thrown another  enemy into the mix at this point, if I'm being brutally honest, would have been devastating. And even as I write this I am smiling at the fact that My Father knows me, inside and out, down to knowing the number of hairs on my head! (Which is a much bigger number these days than in recent months) Yes. He could've allowed the results to be different. But He didn't and I am so very grateful... for this hilltop moment; for His favor; for His love and grace; for His perfect knowledge, timing and perspective.

How could I keep from celebrating Him??
I dunno.
I don't wanna know.
He's just awesome.